Hi all, I apologize for having not written as frequently recently. If Credit Suisse’s “Eat Dinner with Family Day” on Friday is not any indication of how busy a life of an investment-banker is, I miss writing here. I assure you that I have been garnering lots of interesting materials lately, so as soon as work allows me to take a breather, I will be posting on them.

In the meantime, I have decided to apply to become a beta tester for Facebook. The application only consisted of writing from an assortment of questions, and please see below for my responses. Any feedback would be appreciated. As always, I write from the heart, and hopefully you won’t be offended by my sense of humor. I have been on Facebook since it first “got big” before even university, and have since followed it closely. I would love to meet Zuckerberg and the team at Palo Alto, and even contribute a little to this mega-success-story. It’s a bit lengthy, but I assure you that it is worthwhile:

Q1. What are women looking for in a relationship?

With recent emerging social trends, women in developed countries have been growing more autonomous and independent. Statistics have illustrated that the landscape in which women live in now, is drastically different than that of decades ago. Specifically, women are earning more (at the cost of working longer), subsequently marrying and having kids later (please see http://pewsocialtrends.org/ for figures). These trends trigger further changes in family structures, where the power balance has tipped to allow for fathers to take a more active part in child-raising, while mothers continue to pursue their career ambitions. As for single women around the world, this rising independence has altered the dating arena as well – women are looking for men who can offer emotional support, dare to revolt conventional roles, and open to building trusting relationships.

Women have never had to juggle more, from work deadlines, to yoga classes, to drinks with friends, they are so consumed by expectations in day-to-day lives that they prefer to look for male companions who are more mellow, share enthusiasm in arts and athletics, and can be an emotional pillars for those teary nights. Financial support is no longer a criteria like the last generation, since women are perfectly capable of driving a strong income. Instead, they are on the look-out for men fit to be their confidantes, with whom they can share those precious down-times with, in pure stress-free nirvana. Extra bonus points are also allocated for those suiters who nurture a sense of adventure; who wouldn’t want to go sky-diving every once in a while?

In addition, as more women are engaging in multi-racial relationships, ladies are looking for men who are not stubborn with old conventions in their views of how women should behave. Surely, every girl can dream of a gentleman, but he must be comfortable with the fact that she will be working aggressively, pursuing her own goals, and refusing to depend solely on a man. Women do not reside in kitchens anymore, and they can throw a good hand of football if they choose to; these girls are looking for men who can be advocates of these ideals.

Lastly, in this Internet age, essentially anything that had happened in the past, or is currently evolving in the present, is easily accessible and discoverable. Trust has never been more important in relationships especially when one partner of the equation is likely to be jetsetting around the globe, reducing the amount of time that couples can spend in between commitments. With the rise of more open- and non-monogamous relationships (imagine what a controversy it would have been for Facebook to include this as a relationship status a decade ago), women are seeking for men who are trusting, and willing to build trusting relationships. Trust no longer applies to the extent of taking the kids to school, or making dinner on time for 7pm; trust is now stretched to the extent of knowing that your other half is absolutely in love with you, even though you maybe on the other side of the world, and can only afford to Skype once a week.

Thankfully, this question does not ask for “where to look for good relationships,” for that I am still exploring myself along with most readers out there.

Q2. How do I get over the fear of flying?

The easiest way to answer this question (and most honestly) will be to quote one of the most successful brands in the world – Nike, to “just do it.” They say the best way to confront a fear is to attempt it heads-on, or in this case, to just fly. However, it seems logical to assume that, telling a petrified individual to “just fly,” as he is stepping onto a plane may not necessarily encourage him any further. Let’s instead explore the two core issues stemmed in most people’s fear of flight – the fear of falling or weightlessness, and the fear of death.

Falling is scary feeling indeed, especially for those who haven’t fallen very often, or can’t see where they are falling towards (see my blog on embracing that moment of weightlessness here: http://www.jenloong.com/?p=60). Likewise, most people who are scared of flying, in fact are scared of falling unknowingly out of the night-sky, into miles of free-falling, only to land in a location that they are not certain of. Even for those who trace the sources of their flying fears to technological glitches, pilot negligence and height, are all indirectly scared of factors that can lead towards free-falling. If one was to draw insight from the astronaut training programs at NASA, he can find that every module requires the astronauts to get comfortable with flying. This involves repeated exposure to free-falling, and getting comfortable with the adrenaline behind weightlessness (and even embracing it)! To the average individual without access to state-of-the-art equipment like  the Vomit Comet, I suggest that the reader can try embarking on more roller coaster rides, flight trips, and bungee-jumping. For those who can’t necessarily afford such extravagancies, I recommend jumping more on trampolines, enough so you can become friends with the idea of falling.

The other integral component of fear of flight is definitely attributed to the fear of death. While I do not recommend to “just die” or “die more” like kittens with nine lives that can, I do suggest living everyday to the absolute fullest. Therefore in the event if you were to step on a plane, and your fears were to resume, you can be rest assured that you have at least lived your life to the absolute fullest until that point, and that you have nothing to regret, or to die short of.

For those who are more easily comforted by numbers, just remind yourselves that 3 million passengers on average fly everyday; if 3 million people can do it, you too are no exception! (See http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081215204046AAX3xte)

After all, they do say fight or flight – that means to either fight your fear of flying, or, just fly!

Q3. What’s the secret to throwing a great house-warming?

If I were Oprah, I would recommend hiring Martha Stewart to embellish the apartment with the latest vases, or inviting the late Iron Chef to cook up a never-ending platter of indulgences, or even asking Donald Trump to lend you his apartment (or “crib” as MTV hipsters would say) for your event. Of course, most of us do not have access to such extravagances, and I would even argue that they distract from the cause of a good housewarming event, which is to warm the new house with some of your dearest pals, friendly incentives, a functional setup, and a gracious host.

Since the home is a sacred venue, where most people can relax from day-to-day obligations and enjoy a good night’s rest, it is only fitting to invite those who are of the closest acquaintance. A house-warming party is certainly one occasion where quality trumps quantity. Besides, how could it not be fun, to surround yourself with good friends who care about your well-being, and family members who are eager to meet your circle of pals. One potential risk is that if you are like myself, different friend groups do not necessarily bond right from the start. Therefore, I suggest the following incentives to not only get your friends to show up, but to assure them a grand old time at the event.

First and foremost, people prefer to go to well-managed events, so be sure to stay organized leading up to the event by inviting guests over Facebook, and communicating  ahead of time to assure higher attendance rates. Moreover, be sure to adorn the event with delicious finger foods, ample wine and alcoholic beverages, dance-friendly tunes, fun games (one can never get bored with Twister), and even door prizes. I have found past successes in approaching local bar owners or travel agencies to get small prizes that are fit to entice guests. Moreover, you can also generate awareness in the community by using your housewarming party as a fundraising event for local projects like Habitat for Humanity in the name of good company and great homes. For my next housewarming bash, I intend to paint one wall in the living room with a layer of white IdeaPaint (see www.ideapaint.com), and encourage guests to doodle inspirational quotes on the wall for my motivation in early mornings. It takes “writing on someone’s wall” to the next level, and guests love to know that they have contributed a part to your living space.

For the actual setup of the apartment, be sure to clear out bulky furniture pieces to allow for ample standing and sitting room. Besides, it will make your apartment look even bigger with more open space. Perhaps, you can even consider clearing the den room to only include sofa seats, to allow guests to opt out for this “chill out” room in between dance sessions and loud conversations. A clean bathroom is also mandatory to encourage friends to stay longer, so be sure to do sufficient cleaning ahead of time.

Lastly, and most importantly, play the part of a gracious host. With different crowds of friends, be sure to circulate between groups to make introductions and entertain everyone. The fun part is that you get to go around, catch up with old friends, and take lots of pictures to capture all the incredible moments at the event. On the next morning, you can also send out a thank-you message to all your friends, and encourage them to post pictures to the Events page on Facebook and share picture and video memories from the night before.

As a bonus tip, I recommend professionally developing those pictures at a print-shop, and framing them as decorations around your new home, to always remind yourself of how lucky you are to be surrounded by such dear company, in such a warm home!

Writing on Someone's Wall...literally